Y strykes again

There must be a discount sale on Y this week. What is it that induces parents to add a extra Y to a name? Is it that flair of elegance? That touch of class that only a superfluous and trendy letter can add? Perhaps we should mention that changing I to Y doesn't actually make a name unique. Yes, we're talking to you, parents of Mylo, Jaymie-Lee and Taylah Jayde (twins), and Jaz Mya.

And then there's the ones with no explanation. I give you Rook, Jaga and Roffer. They're certainly yooneek.

Punk rock lives

These baby girls may have some issues with their parents in later life.

Siouxsie But where are the banshees?

Taelen

Jorell Big fans of Jor-El, father of Superman? That's a lot for a little girl to live up to.

...We're the young ones...

I wonder if these names were chosen because the parents have a sense of humour, or because they don't.

Vyvyan – her parents must not have been fans of the Young Ones, or perhaps she's already showing violent tendencies.

Riley Boy – it’s not a description, that’s his name. No joke. Unfortunately.

Kismet and her brother Kaya

Chase, Dallas, Flynn, Indiana and Cyrus

Kohen Antonius and brother Oaklee

Cohen Jacson

It was a *** stormy night

Remember Briten? Well, we've just found his soulmate Darken. Never *** this doorstep again?

And Bhrett? Why the extra H? For extra throat-clearing space in the run-up between the B and the R?

Missed it by that much

I attended a piano recital by a group of 7-12 year olds this weekend, and I thought there was a good chance of some awful names in that age group. But running down the list of performers I found a dozen normal names, Laura and Eliza and Dan and Jamie and Grace. But then, close to the bottom, came the kicker: Faizee. Poor girl. Especially given that Dan was her brother.

Jay, Jay, Jay

Who picked our name du jour?

Kobe Jay, brother to Cooper Jay

Jay Jay

Let's recap

At the risk of sounding obsessive, I thought I'd see how many variations on the Kaden theme we'd found. So far, we have spotted 11 different spellings.

Caden, Caeden, Caiden, Caydan, Cayden, Caydin, Kaddyn, Kaden, Kaidan, Kaiden, Kaidon, Kayden, Kaydyn

However, as baby name websites  list up to 20 (!) variants, we haven't filled our birdspotting card yet.

UPDATE: a few more to add to the list: Kaidyn, Kaeden. The tally is now at 13 (Dec05).

The girls are revolting

A handful of unfortunately named girls today:

Jamieson: could someone *please* tell these parents that 'son of James' may not be the most appropriate name for a GIRL?

Charleigh: hmm, anti-Y sentiment appears to be growing

Talisha, sister to Crishel: did the parents play 'pick a syllable, any syllable'?

Here boy!

Chase Rex. What about Fido, won’t he feel left out? Chase is a brother for Shilo by the way.

Ozka James. Just when we thought creative spelling couldn’t get any stupider…

I was getting worried

Worried by the recent abundance of 'normal' names, I was relieved to note the existence of the following gems.

Braxton: was that inspired by Hicks or Toni?

Gypsy Rose: now this poor girl is just destined to be a stripper

Indigo Summer

Chanel Mellieha

Danyal

Athanasia: did anyone in the family say this aloud first?

And to make us feel smugly superior, a couple of families where the good name karma has been shared around:

Teija, Kaiya, Zali

Kloe, Caylee, Shenae

Born to be a star

Gathered these recently while on holiday up North (while sipping cocktails by the pool)

Anise: born to be a star
Briten: insist on Briten for your laundry needs
McKayla: son of Kayla?

And a strange anti-Y trend - Kelleigh, Emaleigh, Karleigh

Calling all Zayden fans

Coco Feona. Coco, one of those names suitable only in one of two forms: nickname or name of an ape. Added to the abstract spelling of Fiona, and there’s nowhere for this poor child to go.

Taneisha Mikayla. A little sister for Sarsha and Nikita.

Zayden Burnell. No, Burnell is neither his surname, nor, judging by the birth announcement, his mother’s maiden name. Also, Zayden? Sounds like an internet ‘shipper name, you know, a contraction of the two names in a TV couple. Zoe and Hayden perhaps?

Tadhg Alexander. I’m betting he’s Alex for short.

The hyphen was such a good idea

Billy-Bosko. I don’t think there’s much one can say about that. A dare, perhaps?

Zen Robert. What did he do that his siblings Amber, Kurt and Jake didn’t?

Aria Monet. Trying to hedge their bets on the creative arts?

The Siblings are Suffering

Clearly they were all waiting for me to return properly, because after a dearth of horrid names in recent days, today’s notices brought an avalanche of cruel spellings and monikers.

Poor Ryley. I don’t actually hate the name Riley, although it’s becoming ubiquitous, but to throw an extra “y” in there just seems useless. Especially when, as in this case, the baby is a boy. Yes Ryley Paul.

Speaking of Rileys, there’s also young Montana Riley. Sure, sure all the Montanas and Dakotas are old bad baby naming news. The more amusing part of this Montana’s tale is the name of her big sister. Janaya.

Then there’s little Bailee Drew. Remarkably, she’s a girl. She also has a sister named Malone. Was someone a big fan of Ted Danson?

Finally the charmingly named Lilly Cassandra. Perfectly pleasant. Brother Hayden didn’t do too badly either. Sister Mekayla suffers greatly by comparison. But not nearly so badly as final sister Khyra. Suddenly the “y” in Lilly doesn’t seem so innocuous.

Ella is in the Pool

No, we haven’t dropped off the face of the earth, we’ve just been drinking cocktails by the pool. In fact, remi still is. Bitch.

Said pool was filled with far too many kids for our liking, and judging by the plaintive wails of their mothers, every second one was called Ella. Which is fine. Much to our disappointment there were no horrific names in apparent attendance, and upon my return I have discovered several days worth of birth announcements filled with perfectly normal names. And the occasional, but not occasional enough, Jett. Thrilling and disappointing at once.

However, before remi joined our group sojourn north, I was greeted by the pleasant news that friends of mine are expecting a baby. So a few of us sat down to throw around some baby names and discovered it was more difficult than expected to come up with something appropriate. Why? Because the surname of the couple in question is a botanical noun.

Think “Tree”. (It’s not actually Tree, but it’s pretty close.)

Now imagine how many names, particularly for girls, disappear from your potential names list when that’s your surname.

Rose. Lily, Ivy, Olive, Oliver, Iris, Poppy, Daisy, Violet. And on and on.

Hell, even Gwyneth’s silly “Apple” is off the list for more than just its obvious stupidity.

Luckily they’ve got six months to give it further consideration.

Quiz of the day

Which of the following children are boys, and which are girls?

1) Matisse
2) Arragon
3) Caprice
4) Jaimes
5) Aria
6) Kyron
7) Kaelyn

Answers on the back of a postcard.

Maybe they'd sound better backwards?

Tayleb and Jydden: Belyat and Neddyj? Nope, it doesn't help.

Shailen and Tamryn: We are Shailen, we are Shailen home again, 'cross the sea.

Sahrii: would that be the draped Indian garment or a sincere apology?

Kaden ys kyllyng me

Kaden: continuing the Cadence et al saga (see also this update). This is getting out of hand, people.

Kobe: Bryant or earthquake-prone Japanese town? Both are great things to name a child for.

Bayleigh Makenzy: this is a boy. Probably a boy destined to hate his creative parents.

Rhoan: kinda like the horse? or the imaginary town in role-playing games?

Why and Zed?

With the phonetic spelling of Jazmin(e) becoming so popular, I guess it was only a matter of time until we ended up with a Jazmyn, and today is apparently that day. (Her sister’s name is Tahlie by the way.)

On a more personal note I’d like to congratulate some friends not only on the birth of their new daughter yesterday, but also on her interesting but normal name, Scarlett. Not only does it work very well with their surname, there are no other reds in the family.

The Girls Cop it Again

Today’s notices were all about cruelty to the girls.

Talarni Ivy, sister of Dayna and Ryley. Actually Ryley is a boy. It always seem worse to me when the boys are lumbered with the extraneous “y”, it just seems so girly.

Kaleeah.

Teniqua, sister to Zac, Kiarna and Tahlia. Two out of four aint bad?

Shellack or Shoelace?

The question of the morning was how to pronounce this name: Shlayce. So far, we've tried Sh-lacey, Sh-lace, Sh-lackey, Sh-lakey, Shel-ay-see, Ernestine.

Lucky Ella (even if her name sort of rhymes)

In our first bad baby name given to the offspring of a celebrity segment (yes, there’s a rich vein of history in this area, but we won’t delve into the past until we’re at a loss for new and horrible names, or really bored at work), we give you Quinlin Dempsey Stiller.

I was pleased to see that one news report clarified that it was a boy, because it wasn’t entirely apparent from the name itself.

Why, I must ask, would Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor opt for this oddity after naming their daughter a perfectly normal Ella? I guess he’ll go by Quinn. Though of course he’ll have to correct everyone’s spelling on that, because who needs the extra “n”?

Bad (bad), Bad (bad)!

I would first like to point out that all of these names are from today’s birth notices in the Announcements section of one Australian newspaper group. One day, one set of papers. Remarkable.

Harrison Leroy Brown. Yes, ha ha, parents, very funny. Speaking from the personal experience of someone who’s surname is shared with that of a prominent 1960s television family with a catchy theme song featuring the name, I can tell you now that your new son will absolutely never ever tire of people pointing out that he’s the baddest man in the whole damn town.

Jaxon Bruce. Not a lot of room to move there.

Kiarnah. A girl.

Orion. A boy.

Jaspa. Jasper is one of those names which has had a renaissance in the last few years, and while I personally don’t like it, I know several people who have used it and I have no objection because it’s an actual name. Unless, of course, it’s spelt Jaspa.

Reebie Alice. Not even going to contemplate the reasons for this one.

Taylah Madisyn. You would have thought that with a Mum named Mikylah, daughter would have stood a fair chance of a decent name with a proper spelling. But no, apparently the “y” is in the genes.

Tully Jayne. An over-fondness for the North Queensland town? Nope? Then I have no idea.

Etienne Quyen Quyen [Surname]. Several things to note here. First, the baby is a girl. Second, both parents have completely normal, completely Anglo first and surnames. Third, despite sounding pretty and being an actual name, Etienne is a boy's name the last time I checked. And finally, why on earth would you choose two middle names that are exactly the same and mean “bird” in Vietnamese? Stephen Bird Bird [Surname]. Nice, parents, nice.

C'mon, get happy

It was all I could do to not make clucking noises when I read came across Bunty Partridge this morning. Bunty for me is inextricably linked to the film Chicken Run, so the juxtaposition of the avian family name did lead to an inappropriate fit of giggles. And then I sang the Partridge Family theme in my head for a looong time.

Ewwww

At first I thought it was just my dodgy eyesight. But no, her name is definitely not Evie, it’s Ewie. I only know it’s a girl because her second name is Jasmine. Ewie. To be pronounced Evie with the Germanic “w” as “v”? I would hope so, because otherwise, ew.

The ongoing presence of Mikaylas and Makaylas has been distressing enough (for god’s sake it’s the female of Michael, it’s Michaela people! It’s not that hard), but they have been trumped by today’s Mickayla. I suppose it’s ready-made for that quintessentially Anglo-Australia contraction of “Mick”.

Jayden Jaymes, brother of Tayla. We could take guesses as to what Tayla’s middle name is – I’m going to venture that there’s an unnecessary “y” in there somewhere.

When the sibs are down

Sometimes the individual names that we see are relatively innocuous, until seen in combination with the rest of the family. And some families are jaw-droppingly creative. To wit:

Deven Tra’Von (note the random punctuation AND intraword capital letter for maximum effect) and Dagan

Janssen, Jourdyn, and Jameson

Braidie and Shennae

Shayelan and Kiarra

Zoe, Zachary, and Zander

Zelia and Zaine Albino

Hudson Chance, Brantly and Tanner

Skylar-Orion and Sterling Storm

Ayisha, Aija, Deneige, and Dallas

See also the red family for freaky themed families.

Hyphen-a-rama

There must have been a glut of hyphens when little Frankie-Rae and Summer-Rose [Surname-Surname] were born.

I hope drugs were involved

From the *sigh* category: Tanis Kiana, Indigo Siahn, Zae, Scarlet Tiger Ruby, Chasely, Tyarra, Vaniece, Racen, Autumn Rayne, Hunter Haze. I sincerely hope these parents were under the influence when filling out the birth certificates.

Some new entrants in the strange spelling category - Amander, JoD (think LA Story - it's pronounced 'Jody/Jodie'), Porscha, Izaac, Ellexia

Continuing the Cadence story: Caeden, Caydin and Kayden. Enough already. If I see Qaiydyn next, I wouldn't be at all surprised (though considerably upset).

Nothing like choosing a brand name for your child: Jaeger is sure have a strong sense of identity. Or something. Or perhaps the name of the evil mastermind in a well-known TV series: Draven.

The Tale of Tay

An example of the long term effects of bad naming in action:

One morning over the weekend I was casually watching the World Swimming Championships while eating my toast. The commentators were introducing a race featuring a young Australian swimmer and noted that her parents had come up to the commentary box to advise the commentators that they had been mis-pronouncing the young swimmer’s name.

Her name: Tayliah

In what was clearly a travesty, the commentators had been calling her Tay-li-a, as opposed to the apparently correct pronunciation of Tay-leeee-ahhh.

The commentators corrected this, but noted with well concealed amusement that they would now just be calling her “Tay”, which was what her team mates had also resorted to.

Also from the weekend’s sporting engagements, poor young Danyle Pearce from the Port Adelaide football club. His debut game, he kicks a big goal, and all the commentators can discuss is the stupid spelling of his name.

So let these be lessons to you, oh future parents with dreams of your off-spring becoming sporting stars. Consider what happens when they do start to become famous and no one can spell or pronounce their name. (Hey, that may even go some way to explaining why Lleyton Hewitt can’t beat Roger Federer.)