Pastoral idyll

I predict a lot of sprigged muslin and meadows for these little girls:

April Cherry
Summer Rose
Buttercup

And a lot of sniggers for this one:
Charlotte Bronte

K-K-K-Krazy

Seriously, the letter K is taking over the world.

Kye Van
Kalan and Korey
Kyal

Lucky there's all the normal names out there to balance it out. Oh wait, I forgot.

Brakynn
Merris
Tennielle and Tait
Tiahne
Hudson Baylee
Tylah Jah
Tahnee
Raechel
Makye
Layla Bec
Dahlia and Xanda
Laycia
Jarron and Fallon (twins - guess which is the boy and which is the girl! go on, I dare you.)
Tanar
Janoy
Beckham

Strippers ahoy

Not much choice in the career stakes here
Gypsy-Rose
Blaize
Porsha

And some spelling-impaired tykes
Sharntelle
Briohney
Jairom
Paije
Zoyi

It's the new mode

Depeche
Rheegan Jade Chaya
Riko Robert Baicake and Taika
Sanna Alice Lisette (have they heard of a sanisette? it's a toilet...)
Matilde Maria Manuela
Imogen Ran (where?)
Mimi-Joan Samantha Lovina
Doune
Jaelynn and Jade
Chaquelle
Dasher (how seasonally appropriate)
Jatori
Kihyan
Sopheena
Delton

K-K-K-Krap!

The weekend brought a series of poor young women:

Taya Sienna

Kahlani Faith

Kylah Violet

Jasmine, a sister for Bodhan and cousin for Addison.

Kailah Kelly

Keita Shanae

Tiarna Jaize

Ginger Luella

Ayla Muriel

Novalee Joanne

Ciana Louise

Tjayanga Cecelia sister for Yarran, Isaiah, Natasha and Tyler.

But just when I was thinking that the boys had been particularly fortunate over the last couple of weeks, then appeared:

Riain Nicholas

Kalani, Keona and Indiana. Yes, all boys, apparently.

And finally, the type of family for which this site was created:

Mytchall Konner, brother to Lukas and Kolton.

Let's take a boy's name, add a random letter, and call it a girl!

Leroi. At least the surname is not Brown. This time.

Cadrian Jaime Xena. Hmm. This is a girl. A girl with a truly ridiculous name.

Blake Edward. And in an appropriately comedic (nay, almost slapstick) turn, Blake is a brother to Indiah and Kyah.

Pet themes and place names

Wolfe
Badian (No! Bad Ian!)
Emily Eloise Kitten

Jonty Rievaulx
Flaminia
Carlisle

Joan of...?

Spotted this in the local newspaper: Arkaishia. Was this supposed to be Arcadia, but NQR?

Groan-worthy

These names tend to elicit a groan.
Agnes and Angus
James Frank (Jedi) Knight
Baron
Everest
Rafferty Michael Peregrine
Paytn
Hetha
Mikaylee
Sunday Yani (girl)

These names tend to elicit a WTF?
Cyrena Abigayle
Issy and Jayda
Jaycee
Ori
Kylah Nevaeh
Kassia Jade Dutra
Kaia
Matiya
Rhodean
Aracely
Carolinda
Chauncey
Marmel (+ade?)

Sassy fate has the last word

Nikalina Davida
Zac Tracz
Kaylan Jay
Valeska
Ebonie and Kai
Laelia and Mahalia (do these rhyme?)
Noah Ewer (no, you are)
Tehya
Fate Ava
Malayna Kate and Kyah Lily
Bindi-Lee
Sass
Ira and Silas

Names that will always be mispelt

Chrestyna
Kennith
Rhylee
Maksym
Baylee Luise

Names that are made up

Javahn Maleko
Zaxson
Myee

Names that are a combo deal

AKA mouthful

Jason Enrique Richard Clayton Glasby [surname]
Knightley Hendrik Gerard [surname], brother for Aria and Stirling
Lily Leilani
Keyta Lilli-Mai
Jade Green

Get thee back to the ashes

In the past week birth announcements have treated us to the (re)birth of a Fenix and a Phoenix.

Sometimes we come across shocking names that we really hope are just typos. It’s nice to see proof that occasionally they actually are. Take for example young Holy Shai. Thankfully although the grandparents find their new grand-daughter truly angelic, the next announcement from the actual parents proved that they were not in fact insane (or in rapture), and that their daughter’s name is in fact Holly.

A boy named Sydney.

Taylah Capri.

I think there may be some mocking in store for young Harper Lee. Especially as he’s a boy.

Eboni Jayne.

Xanthia Josina. I guess parents Kylie and Darren really wanted something unique to counter their quintessentially Australian names.

Brielle Paris.

Dior. We need to introduce her the Versace (still my favourite name of the year) and Armani.

Jonte Matisse.

Shaelee Skye. The presence of Shaelee’s sister Brooke reminds me of my favourite old-school badly theme named family, where the siblings were Brooke, Skye and Rhodes.

Kodey Elijah.

Antigone Carole Margaret. Okay. Have they read the play? Any of the mythology? I’m going to take a wild guess and say no. Actually, I’m going to hope the answer is no.

Resorts aplenty

Opal Kiea (erm, Opel Kia, anyone? keen automobilists, perhaps)
Baden (spa town or scout?)
Clemency
Nara (seaworld resort)
Leander (swimming lessons advised)
Montgomery
Twinkle
Alaria (hmm...)

Names that do have a recognised spelling

But this is not it

Caitya
Lurissa
Caellum
Elexis
Camella
Emileigh
Caisie
Jordhan

Names that are not names

Or more accurately, made up words that are masquerading as names

Delicia
Kyah Calvin Retro Anthonie
Tiani
Dayana
Allonie
Berecca
Brailiah
Charnai
Clytishia
Tehya
Denusha
Garion
Jaylena
Tynah
Taleena
Darrion
Aletia
Shalonda
Shonice
Tanaiya
Tylara
Zhanae

Names that are really places / things

First in a series of 'Names that are_____' specials

Giverny
Indee-Anna
Chalice
Jurnee
Majenta
Pagan
Parish
Chartruse
Shaneil

The Ks have it

An astounding number of K names today (many from Kanada). Note that many also suffer from the Y syndrome, or the added H lurgy.

Kahli
Kailan
Kallum
Kalton
Kamilah
Kamran
Kamryn
Kandis
Kapry
Karman
Karrick
Katreena
Kavon
Kaylenne
Kayrhyn
Kaytlyn
Kelandy
Kelson
Keyarna
Khanya
Kheldar
Khrissa
Kiatana
Kodi
Korbin
Korey
Korin
Kyal
Kyron
Kysan

Klassy

Prize for the klassiest name spotted this month:

Our runner-up is Brieze.

First prize goes to Kaprice.

...and ivory...

OK, if you really want to name your child Ebony, please don't pick a noun as a second name.

Ebony Skye
Ebony Rose
Ebony Rayne

Too much

Shaelyn
Trae
Jettarin Santi Angel, Diamond and Yeshe
Zandah
Jenell Jorja and Petamaree
Lily-Mae Rose
Tanielle Elyshia
Kelsey and Jayna
Jasper Ziggy
Baxter
Taia

Eeeeeee!

Sunday Yani.

Lilijannah May.

Ayden Paul.

Timileyin Paul.

Ava Rylee.

Summer Eve, sibling to Tom, Piper and Archer (I wonder what their middle names are).

Jett Mackenzie. That’s a girl right there.

Makenzee Paige.

Charli-Zeta.

And the “please stop having children” award goes to the parents of new son Baylin Oliver. Baby brother to Jaydan, Tayla, Ebonee (who comes as close to Kath & Kim’s Epponnee as I’ve ever seen), Amber, Ryan and Breeanna.

Historical figures

Children are often named after important figures in history or literature. Some are more apt/appropriate than others.

Che
Lazarus
Zeus
Ashanti and Aramis (we guess they mean the musketeer, not the aftershave)
Saxon and Cadel
Enos (also the first chimp in space)

Martian meets muso

Marvin Tex
Jorja Shardonae
Ruebi
Ludovic and Fenella
Edwina, Milo and Ludo
Bendel Eric
Esmé and Artie
Cetrece
Luzy

Livin' la Nancyvida loca?

Merlyn Nancyvida

Mackenzie Caillen

The black rain continues to fall

Ebony Raine

Jenaya Carly

Shiloh Louise, sister to Stevie and Ranger (I really, really hope that’s a nickname).

Lahni Jane

Do not go gentle into that good night

Rage, rage, against your appellations

Dylan Thomas
Zanthe
Carrington
Patriscia
Jacy
Milo and Ludo
Ignatius Watson
Savannah and Inigo
Darcy Rose Conquest
Banjo David
Bridene
Amarni Jay
Taya and Kade
Tarlie and Taylan
Kasahni Belle, Skyia and Shalani Hope
Kyah
Persephone Jehanne Malaika Mei
Ky, Taj, Bede and Chey
Phoenix Bede
Miro Samuel

Focus on Canada - Part VI

To round off our maple leaf series, some happy Canadian families:

Marlie Love and Logan
Shaughnessy and Deaglan
Misty and Erasmus Maximus (the stripper and the philosopher)
Cheyenne, Landon, Breanne and Sage
Tayden and Kai
Tyee, Cheyanna and Dakota
Denym, Bryn and Jaimyn
Sydnea and Jazmine
Dallen, Trey and Bryton
Taegan and Beckett
Tylar and Brette (girls)
Denae Daleigh and Teryn
Semyra, Silas and Ameris
Rileigh and Caehlin

A handbag??

Pyper, Portia and Prada
Christine-Annevbor
Railene
Arthur Slim
Tahj and Kai
Beck Alexander
Matisse
Joash
Mekenzie
Denae and Jalen
Karlia
Arleye and Zahli Juliet Malalintinakarinja (no, that's not the surname)
Caydence
Adara and Taye
Sharlize Cathrine
Jasmane and Lovina
Araminta Lily Bijou
Makenzie Shaye
Poppy Maple and Alesi
Billy Jack
Kyhle and Tyhlor
Tealia
Clancy and Saskia

More international treats

We do seem to be hitting the international papers a bit - these from the UK Times:

Lyra and Meissa
Jago
Bear
Hector and Mimi
Bibi and Axel
Wulfric
Cosmo, Zita and Nyasa
Tamarisk
Vasilisa
Fynn (girl)
Tigar
Kalitza Nomvula

Focus on Canada - Part V

Sensing a theme here...

Chayley, Chasey, Chad and Calley
Keaton, Kaiden, Kamryn and Kassidy
Kayli, Kyle and Konnor
Gaige Haiden, Hailey and Kailah
Dale and Dalene
Jaycie and Jaiden

Focus on Canada - Part IV

More random weirdness for your delectation:

Jalen
Anniyah
Axtyn
Autumn Rose
Sawyer Lou
Nevaeh
Kennedy Rielle
Terra
Kiata
Demyana
Layton
Landry
Liviana
Sequoia Noon
Jerica
Carri-Belle

Hallelujah?

Lenny Coen. Either these parents are big Leonard Cohen fans, or completely oblivious.

Koen.

Cienna Maysie. Ah, the trendy name creatively spelled. Is there anything worse?

Nethan James. Nathan? Ethan? Nethan!

Terron. Brother for Aleysha.

Chelsiann Mary, sister for Ellamay.

Focus on Canada - Part III

Just some random weirdness coming at you.

Temma
Kai Vedder
Findlay Mary
Jaimee Marysia
Brodyn
Tenly
Indah
Jax
Xander Kekoa Cesare Roy
Aubryn
Caeleigh
Von Leo
Chance
Jaelynne
Semiah

And some local colour

Sharnaya and Tiarn
Zahn
Orlo
Indiana Lace - This could be a cologne.

Focus on Canada - Part II

Is that your name or your address? There's an awful lot of kids named after places. And with surnames for first names.

Houston
Beckham
Walker
Rhodes
Alexis Memphis
Carson
Bronson Carter
Tanner
Adysen
Hudson Rafer
Easton
Colton
Fiorenzia
Venezia
Holland
Avery Ireland
Dayton
Theron Lane
Kohl

Focus on Canada - Part I

Over the next few days, we will feature some names culled from recent Canadian birth announcements. Today's focus is on creative spelling:

Brookelynn
Jaxyn and Jakob
Emmalee
Emali
Devyn
Kamran
Rowynn
Audree
Kevyne
Jordynn
Kyleigh
Gwendylan
Paitynn Read
Haleigh Kadence
Jeorge

Kre8tyv spelling

Meya Dillyn
Jett and Summer Rose
Kaili
Bonica
Nicquole
Teleah
Joyanne
Imojen Jaide

A combination always makes it worse

Kade Palmer.

Jarryn Corey and brother Brydon.

Chelsea, Montana and Savannah.

Laken Kate.

Tanika Amber.

But what about the pants?

Arran Spencer. He’s a jumper and an undershirt!

From across the Tasman

There's a strange preoccupation with geographical names in NZ at the moment.

Milan Christian
Milan Mary
Sahara
Boston
Brooklyn
Ellay

And a good sprinkling of wrong names too.

Pepa Maree
Neila (kneeler?)
Miller
Bella-Tae
Tahei Trinity
Rushlee Blair
Manea
Delwyn
L'amayz (as in Lamaze class?)
Jye and Makayla (yes, they are everywhere)

Any clues?

Today's list has been divided into girl, boy, don't know. Some in the earlier categories would also seem to fit into that last category though...

GIRL
Ahlea
Rominee
Missy
Jenah Lulu
Tarnie Joanette
Shanae Tyler
Khloe
Sophie Star
Ellie-J

BOY
Mitchell Saviour
Jaylen Chaz
Jiah
Daimeon
Django
Dusty

WHO KNOWS?
Tullie
Reegyn
Brylee
Payden
Bowen Jay

Family time

Abbeegail and Asa

Ily, Dax and Nya

Xanthe and Yorick

AJ, Taylah, Codi and Amee

Sunny and Valentino

Baylen Konner and Talon

Orion and Lulu

Ramones fever

Joey Deedee: where's Johnny Tommy?

Huntah: and gatherah?

Rocharna

Fynn: while Finn suffers from being fashionable, the addition of the Y tips it into 'uhuh' territory

Digby

Milly Blossom

Natae

New album due out soon

Eden and Coco Rose: homage to CoCoRosie? Of course, a 'coco rose' is also a small French white bean with pink veins, and a type of lily bulb, and a brand of goat's milk soap. I'd stick with the experimental music explanation.

Rose Winter

Rylan

Angel

There's only one thing worse than twins with theme names...

Kaiden Reilly brother for Tahlia and Leihm.

Timmy, little brother to Justice Lee. I guess Justice will just have to prevail when little Timmy gets stuck down the well.

Twins, Luke and Deklen, aka “the Short Straw”.

Mahal or Burrow?

Taj and Levi Jett
Taj and Kai
Darcie Bette
Kristal Leopoldina
Braiden Warwick
Asha Laine and Paisley
Mercelita
Jade Violet (colour blind?)

Monday's child...

may be fair of face, but is actively cursing the parents:

Kedlyn
Sashelle
Lence
Kellet
Kalysha, Tylah, Nixon and Rhiana
Nesceda
Piperlily Mae and Mayarose Mackenzie
Astin Leeder (shouldn't that have been Martin?)
Indiana Jacob
Bradman Taylor Thompson (cricket frenzy)
Indigo Margaret
Fonda (Jane or Henry? Peter or Bridget?)
Charli Meta (meta-maid? meta-physical?)
Taja
Shineah Mary
Aleara
Kiki Jean Lee (don't go breaking my heart)
Paisley
Trinity Quinn
Apie (‘Apie! Stop monkeying around!’)
Aja Blue and Polly Elsie
Orielle and Lynelle
Haig (Field Marshal?)
Deacon (Blue?)

The Y factor, and other spellings

Why oh why is Y the trendy letter of choice?

Sheridyn
Meredyth
Myah
Chriyssi
Caelia
Loclan

TGIF

Hara (Scarlett O?)
Shanae and Tynan
Analia and Rylie
Elle Charisse
Shalyce
Zayvion (sounds like a racehorse to me)
Tae-Lah
Zhermayne
Shardai (smooth operator?)

Family of the day:
Baxtar Tate, Marlee, Kyden and Tannah

It's a tree, people

Some of these gems have been gleaned from a recent school newsletter.

Acacia - accept that it's vegetation, and move on. Please.
Kolumbyne
Baidon
Cayleb
Jesakya
Clarita - isn't that a hayfever drug?
Lizke
Troi - Next Gen fans?
Allandra
Cherise
Kaity
Florien - a girl.

Please stop!

Tahli Skye

Reeve David Ryan

Kyan Matthew

Teah Jillian

Shkyiah Rose

Aurora Michelle

When a crap name will not suffice...

When a merely crap name doesn't achieve the effect you're after, jazz up the spelling:

Dakkota
Braeden
Makenzi
Kelsie

Or make up your own crap:
Jayce
Editha
Kobalee

Unfortunate ladies

It was a bad day for the girls. And Kiah, whose sex is completely indeterminable.

Shaynay Lee.

Darby Rose.

Narcia Paris.

Fienna Ebony.

Kiah Shane.

Danae Talia.

Because it worked so well for Paris Hilton...

Sheratyn (what’s next? Bess-Westyn? Holly-Dei Ina?)
Jamjiah (pronounced jam jar?)
Storme
Shaelya
Nissa
Dallas J

And some yooneek spelling for good measure:
Jaymii
Kersandra

Family time again

I love looking at the naming patterns in families. Sometimes, one child has been left out in the 'huh?' stakes, sometimes all children share equally in the pain.

Vitale, Aaliyah and LeAniva
Krystal-Lee, Shanelle, Janae
Mostyn and Griffin
Kaylan Zane and Aimon

I shudder to think what the siblings of these kids may be called:

Casey-Jae
Cooper BJ (M*A*S*H fans?)
Deegan Kayne
Caylum
Karolyn
Makedde (from The Lion King, or Tara Moss's literary opus?)
Renai
Taevey
Kahlia
Rodan (The Flying Monster)
Chelesta
Tynesha

AKA Easter

You'd think parents would roadtest the given name of their child WITH their family name. Sometimes, this crucial step has been omitted.

Daisy Bonnett
Fairley Airey

And...gas

Nova Emerald.

Macarthur. A boy.

Rayne Dakota.

Finlay Hawkesbury. Conceived on the river?

Majella Kate.

Klair, mother to Angas Finn. First, no wonder she couldn’t spell his name right. Second, is his nickname inevitably now “Gas” instead of “Gus”?

Don't be Cruel

Elvis Aaron and sister Priscilla. Nope, not kidding.

Rhegan Lewis.

Spot Zachary Wes.

Jayvyn Paul.

O-Kay

Lots of 'Kay' names for boys popping up at the moment:

Kaylan
Kayleb
Kayden

Some creative spelling:
Pheona

And some confusion with automobiles:
Capri and Maxx

Courtesan or gladiator?

Pop culture really is everywhere, and more children are being named after characters from TV and films. I definitely draw the line at naming a child after the dog. Others obviously don't.

Hudson Buster
Ashah Venita
Edyn
Izah
Zavier and Tiahna
Zahn, Shandelle, Rikiesha and Michael (poor Michael must feel left out)
Zen
Dallas J
Tierney
Maximus Frank Oswald
Zahara Jai Hendrik
Inara (the courtesan in Firefly? interesting choice, Whedon fans)

Products found at your local pharmacy

Diazein (if pain persists, consult your doctor)

Caprice and Dior (available at the perfume counter)

Analyce (formerly known as Preparation H)
I can't believe any parent would give their child a name that starts anal-!

Introducing Supreme Court Justice Coco Delilah...

Linden, Charli, Cassidy and Dawson.

Coco Delilah does not pass the stripper verses Supreme Court judge test.

Montaya Danae.

Twins Xanthia Joan and Sasha Thelma. Someone got the short straw.

Heron and Egret were already taken

Davionne Marquise
Xzavier Davionne
Daytan
Jimicina
Neona and Keeona
Mannix (uncanny?)
Ofealia (oh puhleeze)
Samtahlia (missed opportunity for intra-word capitalisation...)
Shoneeka (shonky?)
Tahnaya
Whimbrel (large wading bird)

Complete the phrase

Simply add another word to complete the phrase, conjuring up a whole new meaning:

Arnika (cream)
Brieze (block)
Charnelle (house)
Dighton (rock)
Jurnee (man)
Payge (turner)
Shanti (town)

I can see a whole new game show concept...

Moo, quack, oink

Bray. What, was Neigh not interesting enough?

Aaliyah Grace.

Jaydine.

Nikita and Tahlya.

Indigo.

The birthday scroll

Most of the names we report (ridicule?) have come from birth notices seen in the local papers, or from students actually encountered in schools. Sometimes we also draw on other sources, like the Nickelodeon birthday scroll (send your name and birthday in to the TV station, and on your birthday, they'll put your name up on screen along with all the other kids born on the same day). Last night's scroll yielded a few beauties:

Aramoana
Chevelle
Dejinae
Dezinay
Deony
Gayge
Jahmiqua
Kelsha
Klae
Othman
Serissa
Shaniqwa
Sharnae
Shoal
Taine
Torileigh
Tremaine
Wilsontreena

So I went back a little further in the archives - these names are from the last week only:

Aeryne Ambernisha Ashlei Avalon Avekayla Ayngel Blayke Brianyn Briarne Britini Brodhi Celiesha Cerenity Chandi Chanuie Chrysanthea           Cujo Danniyal Darelle Deshayna

Deyon Faerie Flame Hilman Jaedene Jaimiilee Jamon Jaymee-Lei Jazalyn Kadee Kaylib Kaysha Kelcee Khyle Kianii Klaessey Lochlain L'Shae Lylli Marcanthony

Marquee Melon Mirae Nikkita-Reyne Raeanne Rhinoa Santana Sequoia Shandal Shardia Sheydin Shinaai Shyne Taaliyah Tamneariha Teneah Teyanah Tracinda Tyquele Zaklina

Brain. Exploding. Argh.

The soap opera effect

Why is it that characters in soap operas often sound like their names were picked out of the dictionary? Or made up? And why do parents think that this is a *good* thing?

Hunter and Jett probably fled from a soapie set

Jyden and Jaden are waiting for Jeden and Joden to complete the family

Apparently "Oak" was not pretty enough.

Lochlann Patrick. I have said it before and clearly it needs to be repeated: taking the most popular boys name at the moment and spelling it with an extraneous “n” (or any other letter) is not actually going to distinguish him from all the other Lochies when he hits the classroom.

Sharmayne Iris Joyce. Hmmm.

Jett Shane Exavier. Egad!

Acacia. Boy? Girl? Tree? No idea.

Kendra MacLeod. Nope, neither of those is her surname.

Tierney.

Miyan Phoenix Lien.

So many names, so little time

This is our 100th post (aka rant at the stupidity of the world). A glass of champagne for all!

Indi (x 2) / Indie (music? Jones?)
Nandine (your choice of a Japanese bamboo-like evergreen, or an African carnivore, similar to a civet)
Braydon Bjorn (try saying this quickly)
Kipling (the author or the cakes?)
Charleigh
Roeni
Sarala

Return to insanity

I'm so glad to see that things have been insane in my absence. There's a chunky list today with so many 'huh?' moments, and parents who obviously haven't thought things through. Let's start with the family tree. Some names are not, in themselves, too heinous - yet when you see them in conjunction with those of the sibs, you do start to worry.

Adem, Brianna and Roydyn
Siala and Kalita
Zariah (pariah?) and Trinity
Kobe, Chelsea Belle and Jesse Buster
Beau, Crystal and Jade
Attica and Maxim
Kyan and Izaac

The second part of today's lesson is devoted to those children who one day may wish that their parents had spent a little more time pondering before filling out the birth certificate.

McLeod
Delise
Taylen
Bodie
Chesari
Tayte Leilani
Tremea
Zion
Thalia
Destiny Faith Wise
Kelsie
Jenson
Magenta
Courtney Cox
Adelaide Primrose (born in Adelaide)
Wayan Adelaide (also born in Adelaide)
Alessandro Elvis
Ryan Cougar

The only way is up

Oceanna and her sister Jaguar. I’m not sure that there’s any point in going on, we clearly have a winner here!

It’s a combination that makes Kirralea, Emmersyn, Alyssia, and Jaydon pale into near normality. Okay, not Emmersyn.

Yet More "K"

Charli-Jon. That’s a girl, by the way.

Kyleb William.

Joram Keith.

Sisters Sage and Poppy Rose.

Khloe Lee.

How about with a “gh”?

Maddison Ava. Madison Avenue?

Sharlah May.

Loughlan Barry. Taking what appears to be the most popular boys name around here at the moment and spelling it like a surname is not going to distinguish your son in a good way, parents.

Korben. Cooor! Ben.

Trinity Rose. Three roses? Father, son and holy spirit rose? Rose that looks good in black leather and dodges bullets?

What exactly is a deppler?

Monday’s always produce a good crop of stupidity.

Rayne Patrick James

Tsamaya Kate

Skyla Jay

Monet Lynette - and you know some people are going to think that name rhymes.

Braithe Deacon

Akaila Marie

and the real prize:

Deppler Tennyson

What’s next? Jalapeno?

Remi may be away sunning herself (yes, again!), but she hasn’t taken all the crazy made-up or oddly appropriated, genderless names with her.

Cayenne Kielle. Mmmm, peppery.

Laird Pearce, brother to Keane.

Aythan Michael, brother to Jaylyn.

Florals and foolishness

A fresh crop of lunacy today:

Tarryn Waveney.

Riah Ellen.

Khiara Hayley.

Mackinlie (a girl, whose brothers have completely normal names).

Jasmine Violet-Rose. Each on its own is of course fine (and even spelt correctly), but the combination? The girl will never want to go near a floral in her life.

Ziggy Edward. Stardust or Switkowski?

Luzena, Lolita and Junior. Triplets. No, not kidding.

Fallon Odelia. A Dynasty fan?

I'm going to make up a name. An ugly name.

Nostalgia for old soap novels? Peyton.

Ashden.

Tarron Jai.

Montaya. Boy? Girl? Who would know.

Mia Saphira.

Daysie. I’m surprised they didn’t spell that one with a “z”.

And to balance all of that out, one couple actually spelled their daughter’s name Michaela - you could knock me down with a feather when I saw that. Of course, a few entries later another Makayla appeared…

How to confuse your child

An easy to follow guide to confusing your child

Option 1
Choose a regular name, and change the spelling
Samone

Option 2
Pick a name that sounds like a drug
Rialyn
Quinita

Option 3
Give your child a girl's name AND a boy's name
Sofia Alec

Option 4
Make something up
Kiarra
Jaslyn

Any combination of the above options is also acceptable

Alphabetical families

Is there a rule in some families that all siblings must share the same initials?

Harriette, Hilary and Henry
Jack , Jorja and Jye
Kai, Kaela and Kalan

Or maybe the rule is that all siblings share in the pain?

Manae and Tayah
Mak and Audri
Portia Tully, Bronte Dylan, India Bayley
Tye and Mya

Something fishy this way swims

Trees, fish and birds today.

Murray Cody (Cod-y?)
Huon, brother for Fabian, Matilda, Clancy and Aretha
Ella Dove

And a random group of WTF for good measure?

Talan / Talyn
Jazlyn
Izack
Tayne
Nateisha

Dr Who meets Charmed

I sense a TV theme coming on...

Starsy (no Hutch?)

Dakayla (exterminate, exterminate)

Phoebe Mliss and Piper Kaye (where's Prue?)

It was, sadly, only a matter of time

In the it was only a matter of time category comes: Tuscany (a girl).

Meea. Me, me, me, me, me!

I believe Loghan Belle is a girl, but you never do know.

Someone likes that horses: Makybie Dawn, sister to Jelise. The latter sounds like a topical treatment for those delicate places, gel-ease.

Blayde. Yes, Blayde.

Who could hang a name on you?

Scarlett Rocke and sister Ruby
Kobi Zander
Ieshah Jae
Amiee

How do you say...?

How would you pronounce these names?

Zhane
Cettina
Kaizen
Amiel

And how would you pronounce these names without laughing?

Banjo Jack

Neo Ignatius Orion



Other findings for the day...

Myshka: another great name for a pet

Tanisha Jemmah

Austinn, brother for Kaedy, Courtney, Kayla and Shauni: I wonder if Courtney changed her name by deed poll (surely it should have been Korttni??)

Today's crop

*sigh*

Jayd

Khirralee

Ika and Kyara

Circus tigers or Indian restaurants?

Taj and Khan : I'll have a korma, thanks.

Aleksandar PJ
Ruby J. : initials do not a name make - parents take note.

Trinity and Teka: take your pick - Teka is a small wall-cupboard (in Hungarian), a company that makes sinks and other kitchen furnishings and The Endurance Karting Association.

Superman flies again

Nicolas Cage doesn't have the best naming record - he reportedly named himself after a comic book character, and his first child is called Weston. His newborn son apparently rejoices in the name of Kal-el, another comic book character. This would be Clark Kent's Kryptonian name. Cruel joke perpetrated by his publicist or comic book obsession gone too far?

Waiting for Volvo

Someone thought an auto theme would be fun? Perhaps someone didn't think very much at all: Bentley and Austin.

Chaos theory

Chaos theory deals with the underlying order of the seemingly random nature of the universe. Today's underlying order includes various random subsets.

Random spelling:
Tarnya
Olivier Rose
Eryn
Kyran
Jadon

Random punctuation:
Ty-Anthony
Aiyah-Rose

Random syllables:
Tamiya Ryann
Jye, Taj and Bohdi
Jarita and Ariki
Jama
Daisha Tasmin
Shellamay
Donnica
Jaslyn
Taea
Tekane
Jaylen and Tynan

Still not a good idea

As Uli has pointed out, naming your child 'Leroy Brown' really isn't funny. Neither is naming your child after a sports star or an actor:

Matthew Hayden [surname]
Ryan Phillip [surname]

What about inanimate objects? Not. Funny. Either.

Jarrah (large hardwood tree, or instant chocolate drink?)
Amber Rain (golden showers, anyone?)
London Sophia
Erin Acacia
LuLu Peace (added bonus there with the extra capital letter)

What about the dog? Really. Not. Funny.
Luckey

Jason and the Golden Fleece will be along shortly

Argo: many parents draw on myths and legends for inspiration, but a *ship*?

Khiana / Kiarna / Tiana / Tiarna / Tiarnah / T'arne: that yooneek name isn't looking quite as unique any more, is it?

Rivali: Italian for 'rivals'

Kailaeb, brother for Takeina: oh my

Bad-bad, bad-bad

I have noted before that the whole “Leroy Brown” joke is not funny. It’s especially not funny when it’s spelt Lee-Roy Brown.

While an actual name, it’s amusing how quickly the Sydney Swans Grand Final win and subsequent amusing Irish jigs have impacted on naming trends with the arrival of the second Tadgh I’ve seen this week (for those who (a) aren’t Irish; and (b) don’t follow football, it’s pronounced “Tie”).

Recipe variations

In place of the random letters or punctuation, substitute the name of a character, a brand name, or a celebrity. If you can't find one you like, make one up.

Chennel
Anakin
Kaleigh
Tarli Jayde
Aaliyah
Myree
Tarmeecha
Kismet
Noeleta
Taya Wynter
Michallie

Recipe for an unusual name

Directions: take a relatively common name, and randomly replace some of the letters. Add punctuation (if desired).

Koady
Bree-Anna
Kayti
Kaeleb
Maycie
Oliviah
Deirdrie
Laicey

Family spirit

"Interesting" names often run in some families, which makes (twisted) sense. Sometimes though, there are quirks (ie siblings that get left out). I wonder if they feel deprived or fortunate.

Te-Harnie, Jordyn and Spirit

Wil Danger, brother to Tennille, Zoe, Montanah and Keeley

Tamika, Kholo, Trent, Mitch, Farrah, Steele and Lill

Tione, Kaeleigh, Samson and Jett

Jak, brother to Lilyarna

Eden Ash, brother to Tasman and Reuben

Kallysta and Zakia

I blame Michael J Fox

A curious trend - parents not bothering with whole names, just bestowing an initial on their offspring. To wit:

Kobie J, brother for Mieka

and recent offerings Jade V and Zaya J

We can think of several potential explanations:

• homage to the afore-mentioned Michael J or (more likely) Homer J


• parents' inability to agree on anything more than a single letter


• sheer laziness

Puzzling. Submit your theories on the back of a postcard.

Some recent naming conversations?

Parent 1: I really like the name “Riley”, but it’s becoming so common.

Parent 2: Why don’t we change the spelling to make it unique?

Parent 1: People seem to have covered all the possible spellings already.

Parent 2: Really? Even Ry-lee?

Parent 1: A hyphen! That’s perfect!

Remi & Uli: Poor boy.



Parent 1: I really like the name Emanuel.

Parent 2: But I really like Ethan.

Parent 1: Emanuel!

Parent 2: Ethan!

Parents 1 & 2: Ethanuel!

Remi & Uli: You’re not as clever as you think you are.

Continuing the theme of the day...

Geography abounds:

Tamar

Iluka: now while Iluka is indeed a coastal NSW town (among other places), it's mainly known for being a huge mining company

Evil genius of the day is Malachy Wasyl.

The boy most likely to be mistaken for a girl is Tylah (Joshua).

To round out today's collection, we have some superfluous punctuation and spell-o-rama:

D'arcy

Annique

Payton Layne

And one must be geographical

"We welcome our twin daughters Tess and Yarra."

Yarra? Yarra? What the hell did she do to be named after a murky brown river while her sister got a perfectly normal name?

Random assortment of huh?

There's only one thing to say to these parents: WTF?

Caius
London Mary
Shayla
Inde
Jade V.
Aleka
Tahnee
Isaiah Jorge
Bella-Grace Marvellous
Tamieka
Jye Menelaos
Breeze Sierra
Jordyn Kiorah
Ruby Blue Summer, sister for River and Noah
Kain Kyah
Cadee
Sommer-Maree
Kaleisha Ashlee
Telah
Xander Ty Tanzer-James (guess they never said that one aloud)
Samryn, sister for Nicaisha

Looking for a sponsorship deal

Guinness Donald

Riley Atticus Versace

Anikann Audi, little brother of Daniel, Keiryn, Romy, Claire, Kanyon and Odessa (you do wonder how Daniel and Claire managed to buck the trend...)

Yooneek spellling

Sophee

Salena

Jhai

Bilee

Zakary

Kyal

Jenavieve

Random Letters, Part II

The letter H seems to be the main culprit/victim today, though it's not alone

Briahnna

Tiahna

Nikiah

Giaan

Lyzbeth

And I worry about the parents who announced "the safe and unique arrival" of their offspring. What? Only born once? Poor deprived child.

The Return of the Random Letter

Sierra Rayne. Is that like summer rain, or northern rain?

Jacob Brabham. A car racing fan?

Miah. Why the “h”? Why?

Zaya J. Why the “J”? Why?

Eden Brooke. What’s with all the Edens at the moment, are they showing reruns of Santa Barbara somewhere I don’t know about?

Kiany, sister to Saara.

Lochlin, brother to Macayla.

Chenille strikes again

Continuing the chenille-y goodness is Sheneal. If you never saw Fast Forward, there's a pic of Magda Szubanski as Chenille "the walking, talking facelift" beautician here (and a clip). This may help you to understand the cringe triggered by this name.

Shirlina

Brothers Bryn and Renwick

Oh God, not another one

Tishara.

Aila. Now Aila is the seventh child in this family and the other six have normal names, so I guess they ran out. Of course, her middle name is Grace, so obviously they didn’t run out, they just made a bad choice.

Princess of Power

Shyra: Wanted to join forces with He-Man, but was too timid

Chenneal: What were they trying to evoke? Cochineal? Nubby bedspreads?

Brentyn and Jaydyn

Evan Zoltan: Wasn't Zoltan the name of the fortune-telling machine in Big?

‘My mission in life is to confuse my kids’

Or possibly just embarrass them:

Aaren Kipsunde

Elissa, sister to Elias (no confusion there)

Nalia (gnarlier? Dude…)

Samson Jai, brother to Gorgi and Chelsi (shouldn't he have been Samsi?)

Tarquin Julius

Ataysha Rhylee

Macey Aroha, sister to Monet, Mackenzie and Eden

Tay Zarek

Can’t spell, won’t spell

Konna

Zavier

Rhiley

Emersyn Rylee, sister to Zahli

Call this a namesake?

Anakin

Jaedyn

Odhinn Troy

Zsa Zsa Isabella

Gidget

Mattise

They're just pulling them out of their arses now, aren't they?

Zanyn Trae

Chiquita Charlie

Makon Tomack

Made up names and confused families all around

Tayissa Jaye sister of Ellyana. (Oh, and there’s confusion about this one. In one entry she’s Tayissa, in the other she’s Tayiffa. Either way it’s bad.)

Khobi-Jay.

Tane.

Jye Brayden.

Anikke, sister for Viaan.

Eden Alaska.

Cameron Nimrod. (His second name was included in the notice put in by the parents. The notice by the rest of the family wisely ignored that and just welcomed Cameron).

Not a dream

Reve, little brother for Nixon: interesting role model there for big bro

Changing the spelling of a name to make it yooneek doesn't always make it klassy:

Brydee

Klayton

Dakoda Aisha

Or you could just make stuff up and hope for the best:

Tameka Dior: perhaps a career in perfume endorsements?

Tander

Jed and Dael (twins): Twin 1 will inevitably be known as Hillbilly - the combination of 'Hill and Dale' AND the Beverly Hillbillies is really too much to resist

Brylcreem, anyone?

Anaya, sister for Brylee and Tealiah - Brylcreem, tealeaves and now a neigher?

Zahli Dakota

Shalin

Crap Names – TV Edition

The start of the new television season in the US always filters down to us here – thanks internet! – and provides us with the usual mix of “wow, that sounds like complete crap” and “that sounds very cool, I bet they won’t show it here for 12 months and then only at midnight”.

However, what struck me more than either of the above in relation to the upcoming premiere of Bones is the stupidity of the names of the lead characters. Temperance and Seeley. WTF?

One can only hope the latter’s nickname quickly become “posturepedic” (because I’m sure David doesn’t get enough animated inanimate object jokes from his foray into puppet-dom at his last job).

You do know that's a horse? Nope, guess not

Today's names put me strongly in mind of parents who got their children confused with their pets

Roan

Tiffany Star


And parents who have arty aspirations for their children

Matisse


And parents who just made stuff up

Xaden

Maycie Elora

Kalan Jakob

Tiarnie

Brothers George-Elio and Sassine-Jo

A summer breeze...

While I really feel for newborn Clem and all the phlegm jokes he’s going to cop in the playground, the one who gets most of my sympathy is his big sister Zephyr.

Her brother's name is Oedipus, right?

Discussion, for some reason I can’t fathom, got on to the subject of bad baby names when I was in the pub on Saturday night, and some true gems were revealed. Unfortunately as a result of being in the pub when said discussion was had, I can’t remember any of them now. But while I wait for the beer-induced fog to clear and reveal them to me, there were plenty of candidates in the weekend’s birth notices to keep us occupied.

First, another variation to add to the list of Cadens: Cadyn.

Then we have the parents who I feel didn’t think things through before electing to give their daughter a good old fashioned Greek name: Elektra.

Then the completely made up names: Dacey and Deegan (both girls by the way, not that it’s immediately apparent).

Followed by the “I want to be on The Bold and the Beautiful when I grow up” naming of Storm Ross, the tragically but creatively spelled Logen Jade and the tragically spelled first name combined with the made up second name glory that is Payge Kimra.

Lord of the Vampire

Jedah Lily Mai - Jedah is also known as the 'Smoothly-dressed Grim Reaper' from an arcade fighting game called Darkstalkers III: Jedah's Damnation (Vampire Savior: Lord of the Vampire). Good choice, Mum.

The Caden thing has got out of hand, but I'm predicting the next yooneek trendy name to make me rabid will be Kaylan, aka Caelan, which is popping up all over the place

Skyla

Thalia

Zico

Why naming your child after a TV character / dead singer / porn star is a bad thing

New mother Krystle had to be born in the Dynasty era

Haylie Nakita - made me think of power tools, but apparently a more accurate description would be porn star (hint: don't google 'Nakita power tool' especially not at work)

Taj Mitchell, brother to Tiarne and Aaliyah

Jordie John got off lightly compared to his sibs Kye and Tayha

Taila

Jestelle

Good day, bad day

The birth announcements around this country seem to be working on a “one day sane – next day crazy” schedule. After yesterday’s group of fairly normal names, today the announcements took a turn for the loopy.

Dallen Archer, brother to Taleya (son to Reichelle).

Tiala, sister to Zacc.

Baxter Ablett. Geelong supporters perhaps?

Ambrose Rain, brother of Imogen, Rose and Corbin Leif. They really don’t like the boys in that family, do they?

Asta. A girl. I’m sorry, but Asta is a dog’s name, a famous dog’s name at that. And even if it weren’t a dog’s name, it’s certainly not a girl’s name. Poor child.

Bohdan, brother to Zahli and Xiara.

Jonty Kane, more parents hoping for sporting glory, this time of the cricket variety?

What-were-they-thinking?

The star for the day has to go to:

Coda-Ryley and big sister Hunter-Paris . I-am-speechless.

Honourable mentions go to:

Riley and brother Logan Xander (hoping for a sister Buffy next?)

Parisia

Shaye Bri

Grayam

Jagger James

Siblings Kallis and Bade

Triplets Chloe Ella, Tihana Lee and Deriney Tye (starts OK, goes downhill from there)

Sisters Kathleen and Kaitlyn (no confusion there)

Third Time Unlucky

In the celebrity baby name stakes Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld had been doing pretty well with daughter Sascha and son Julian. So exactly how difficult was the delivery of new arrival Shepherd Kellen Seinfeld that they felt the need to lumber him with that name?

Y strykes again

There must be a discount sale on Y this week. What is it that induces parents to add a extra Y to a name? Is it that flair of elegance? That touch of class that only a superfluous and trendy letter can add? Perhaps we should mention that changing I to Y doesn't actually make a name unique. Yes, we're talking to you, parents of Mylo, Jaymie-Lee and Taylah Jayde (twins), and Jaz Mya.

And then there's the ones with no explanation. I give you Rook, Jaga and Roffer. They're certainly yooneek.

Punk rock lives

These baby girls may have some issues with their parents in later life.

Siouxsie But where are the banshees?

Taelen

Jorell Big fans of Jor-El, father of Superman? That's a lot for a little girl to live up to.

...We're the young ones...

I wonder if these names were chosen because the parents have a sense of humour, or because they don't.

Vyvyan – her parents must not have been fans of the Young Ones, or perhaps she's already showing violent tendencies.

Riley Boy – it’s not a description, that’s his name. No joke. Unfortunately.

Kismet and her brother Kaya

Chase, Dallas, Flynn, Indiana and Cyrus

Kohen Antonius and brother Oaklee

Cohen Jacson

It was a *** stormy night

Remember Briten? Well, we've just found his soulmate Darken. Never *** this doorstep again?

And Bhrett? Why the extra H? For extra throat-clearing space in the run-up between the B and the R?

Missed it by that much

I attended a piano recital by a group of 7-12 year olds this weekend, and I thought there was a good chance of some awful names in that age group. But running down the list of performers I found a dozen normal names, Laura and Eliza and Dan and Jamie and Grace. But then, close to the bottom, came the kicker: Faizee. Poor girl. Especially given that Dan was her brother.

Jay, Jay, Jay

Who picked our name du jour?

Kobe Jay, brother to Cooper Jay

Jay Jay

Let's recap

At the risk of sounding obsessive, I thought I'd see how many variations on the Kaden theme we'd found. So far, we have spotted 11 different spellings.

Caden, Caeden, Caiden, Caydan, Cayden, Caydin, Kaddyn, Kaden, Kaidan, Kaiden, Kaidon, Kayden, Kaydyn

However, as baby name websites  list up to 20 (!) variants, we haven't filled our birdspotting card yet.

UPDATE: a few more to add to the list: Kaidyn, Kaeden. The tally is now at 13 (Dec05).

The girls are revolting

A handful of unfortunately named girls today:

Jamieson: could someone *please* tell these parents that 'son of James' may not be the most appropriate name for a GIRL?

Charleigh: hmm, anti-Y sentiment appears to be growing

Talisha, sister to Crishel: did the parents play 'pick a syllable, any syllable'?

Here boy!

Chase Rex. What about Fido, won’t he feel left out? Chase is a brother for Shilo by the way.

Ozka James. Just when we thought creative spelling couldn’t get any stupider…

I was getting worried

Worried by the recent abundance of 'normal' names, I was relieved to note the existence of the following gems.

Braxton: was that inspired by Hicks or Toni?

Gypsy Rose: now this poor girl is just destined to be a stripper

Indigo Summer

Chanel Mellieha

Danyal

Athanasia: did anyone in the family say this aloud first?

And to make us feel smugly superior, a couple of families where the good name karma has been shared around:

Teija, Kaiya, Zali

Kloe, Caylee, Shenae

Born to be a star

Gathered these recently while on holiday up North (while sipping cocktails by the pool)

Anise: born to be a star
Briten: insist on Briten for your laundry needs
McKayla: son of Kayla?

And a strange anti-Y trend - Kelleigh, Emaleigh, Karleigh

Calling all Zayden fans

Coco Feona. Coco, one of those names suitable only in one of two forms: nickname or name of an ape. Added to the abstract spelling of Fiona, and there’s nowhere for this poor child to go.

Taneisha Mikayla. A little sister for Sarsha and Nikita.

Zayden Burnell. No, Burnell is neither his surname, nor, judging by the birth announcement, his mother’s maiden name. Also, Zayden? Sounds like an internet ‘shipper name, you know, a contraction of the two names in a TV couple. Zoe and Hayden perhaps?

Tadhg Alexander. I’m betting he’s Alex for short.

The hyphen was such a good idea

Billy-Bosko. I don’t think there’s much one can say about that. A dare, perhaps?

Zen Robert. What did he do that his siblings Amber, Kurt and Jake didn’t?

Aria Monet. Trying to hedge their bets on the creative arts?

The Siblings are Suffering

Clearly they were all waiting for me to return properly, because after a dearth of horrid names in recent days, today’s notices brought an avalanche of cruel spellings and monikers.

Poor Ryley. I don’t actually hate the name Riley, although it’s becoming ubiquitous, but to throw an extra “y” in there just seems useless. Especially when, as in this case, the baby is a boy. Yes Ryley Paul.

Speaking of Rileys, there’s also young Montana Riley. Sure, sure all the Montanas and Dakotas are old bad baby naming news. The more amusing part of this Montana’s tale is the name of her big sister. Janaya.

Then there’s little Bailee Drew. Remarkably, she’s a girl. She also has a sister named Malone. Was someone a big fan of Ted Danson?

Finally the charmingly named Lilly Cassandra. Perfectly pleasant. Brother Hayden didn’t do too badly either. Sister Mekayla suffers greatly by comparison. But not nearly so badly as final sister Khyra. Suddenly the “y” in Lilly doesn’t seem so innocuous.

Ella is in the Pool

No, we haven’t dropped off the face of the earth, we’ve just been drinking cocktails by the pool. In fact, remi still is. Bitch.

Said pool was filled with far too many kids for our liking, and judging by the plaintive wails of their mothers, every second one was called Ella. Which is fine. Much to our disappointment there were no horrific names in apparent attendance, and upon my return I have discovered several days worth of birth announcements filled with perfectly normal names. And the occasional, but not occasional enough, Jett. Thrilling and disappointing at once.

However, before remi joined our group sojourn north, I was greeted by the pleasant news that friends of mine are expecting a baby. So a few of us sat down to throw around some baby names and discovered it was more difficult than expected to come up with something appropriate. Why? Because the surname of the couple in question is a botanical noun.

Think “Tree”. (It’s not actually Tree, but it’s pretty close.)

Now imagine how many names, particularly for girls, disappear from your potential names list when that’s your surname.

Rose. Lily, Ivy, Olive, Oliver, Iris, Poppy, Daisy, Violet. And on and on.

Hell, even Gwyneth’s silly “Apple” is off the list for more than just its obvious stupidity.

Luckily they’ve got six months to give it further consideration.

Quiz of the day

Which of the following children are boys, and which are girls?

1) Matisse
2) Arragon
3) Caprice
4) Jaimes
5) Aria
6) Kyron
7) Kaelyn

Answers on the back of a postcard.

Maybe they'd sound better backwards?

Tayleb and Jydden: Belyat and Neddyj? Nope, it doesn't help.

Shailen and Tamryn: We are Shailen, we are Shailen home again, 'cross the sea.

Sahrii: would that be the draped Indian garment or a sincere apology?

Kaden ys kyllyng me

Kaden: continuing the Cadence et al saga (see also this update). This is getting out of hand, people.

Kobe: Bryant or earthquake-prone Japanese town? Both are great things to name a child for.

Bayleigh Makenzy: this is a boy. Probably a boy destined to hate his creative parents.

Rhoan: kinda like the horse? or the imaginary town in role-playing games?

Why and Zed?

With the phonetic spelling of Jazmin(e) becoming so popular, I guess it was only a matter of time until we ended up with a Jazmyn, and today is apparently that day. (Her sister’s name is Tahlie by the way.)

On a more personal note I’d like to congratulate some friends not only on the birth of their new daughter yesterday, but also on her interesting but normal name, Scarlett. Not only does it work very well with their surname, there are no other reds in the family.

The Girls Cop it Again

Today’s notices were all about cruelty to the girls.

Talarni Ivy, sister of Dayna and Ryley. Actually Ryley is a boy. It always seem worse to me when the boys are lumbered with the extraneous “y”, it just seems so girly.

Kaleeah.

Teniqua, sister to Zac, Kiarna and Tahlia. Two out of four aint bad?

Shellack or Shoelace?

The question of the morning was how to pronounce this name: Shlayce. So far, we've tried Sh-lacey, Sh-lace, Sh-lackey, Sh-lakey, Shel-ay-see, Ernestine.

Lucky Ella (even if her name sort of rhymes)

In our first bad baby name given to the offspring of a celebrity segment (yes, there’s a rich vein of history in this area, but we won’t delve into the past until we’re at a loss for new and horrible names, or really bored at work), we give you Quinlin Dempsey Stiller.

I was pleased to see that one news report clarified that it was a boy, because it wasn’t entirely apparent from the name itself.

Why, I must ask, would Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor opt for this oddity after naming their daughter a perfectly normal Ella? I guess he’ll go by Quinn. Though of course he’ll have to correct everyone’s spelling on that, because who needs the extra “n”?

Bad (bad), Bad (bad)!

I would first like to point out that all of these names are from today’s birth notices in the Announcements section of one Australian newspaper group. One day, one set of papers. Remarkable.

Harrison Leroy Brown. Yes, ha ha, parents, very funny. Speaking from the personal experience of someone who’s surname is shared with that of a prominent 1960s television family with a catchy theme song featuring the name, I can tell you now that your new son will absolutely never ever tire of people pointing out that he’s the baddest man in the whole damn town.

Jaxon Bruce. Not a lot of room to move there.

Kiarnah. A girl.

Orion. A boy.

Jaspa. Jasper is one of those names which has had a renaissance in the last few years, and while I personally don’t like it, I know several people who have used it and I have no objection because it’s an actual name. Unless, of course, it’s spelt Jaspa.

Reebie Alice. Not even going to contemplate the reasons for this one.

Taylah Madisyn. You would have thought that with a Mum named Mikylah, daughter would have stood a fair chance of a decent name with a proper spelling. But no, apparently the “y” is in the genes.

Tully Jayne. An over-fondness for the North Queensland town? Nope? Then I have no idea.

Etienne Quyen Quyen [Surname]. Several things to note here. First, the baby is a girl. Second, both parents have completely normal, completely Anglo first and surnames. Third, despite sounding pretty and being an actual name, Etienne is a boy's name the last time I checked. And finally, why on earth would you choose two middle names that are exactly the same and mean “bird” in Vietnamese? Stephen Bird Bird [Surname]. Nice, parents, nice.

C'mon, get happy

It was all I could do to not make clucking noises when I read came across Bunty Partridge this morning. Bunty for me is inextricably linked to the film Chicken Run, so the juxtaposition of the avian family name did lead to an inappropriate fit of giggles. And then I sang the Partridge Family theme in my head for a looong time.

Ewwww

At first I thought it was just my dodgy eyesight. But no, her name is definitely not Evie, it’s Ewie. I only know it’s a girl because her second name is Jasmine. Ewie. To be pronounced Evie with the Germanic “w” as “v”? I would hope so, because otherwise, ew.

The ongoing presence of Mikaylas and Makaylas has been distressing enough (for god’s sake it’s the female of Michael, it’s Michaela people! It’s not that hard), but they have been trumped by today’s Mickayla. I suppose it’s ready-made for that quintessentially Anglo-Australia contraction of “Mick”.

Jayden Jaymes, brother of Tayla. We could take guesses as to what Tayla’s middle name is – I’m going to venture that there’s an unnecessary “y” in there somewhere.

When the sibs are down

Sometimes the individual names that we see are relatively innocuous, until seen in combination with the rest of the family. And some families are jaw-droppingly creative. To wit:

Deven Tra’Von (note the random punctuation AND intraword capital letter for maximum effect) and Dagan

Janssen, Jourdyn, and Jameson

Braidie and Shennae

Shayelan and Kiarra

Zoe, Zachary, and Zander

Zelia and Zaine Albino

Hudson Chance, Brantly and Tanner

Skylar-Orion and Sterling Storm

Ayisha, Aija, Deneige, and Dallas

See also the red family for freaky themed families.

Hyphen-a-rama

There must have been a glut of hyphens when little Frankie-Rae and Summer-Rose [Surname-Surname] were born.

I hope drugs were involved

From the *sigh* category: Tanis Kiana, Indigo Siahn, Zae, Scarlet Tiger Ruby, Chasely, Tyarra, Vaniece, Racen, Autumn Rayne, Hunter Haze. I sincerely hope these parents were under the influence when filling out the birth certificates.

Some new entrants in the strange spelling category - Amander, JoD (think LA Story - it's pronounced 'Jody/Jodie'), Porscha, Izaac, Ellexia

Continuing the Cadence story: Caeden, Caydin and Kayden. Enough already. If I see Qaiydyn next, I wouldn't be at all surprised (though considerably upset).

Nothing like choosing a brand name for your child: Jaeger is sure have a strong sense of identity. Or something. Or perhaps the name of the evil mastermind in a well-known TV series: Draven.

The Tale of Tay

An example of the long term effects of bad naming in action:

One morning over the weekend I was casually watching the World Swimming Championships while eating my toast. The commentators were introducing a race featuring a young Australian swimmer and noted that her parents had come up to the commentary box to advise the commentators that they had been mis-pronouncing the young swimmer’s name.

Her name: Tayliah

In what was clearly a travesty, the commentators had been calling her Tay-li-a, as opposed to the apparently correct pronunciation of Tay-leeee-ahhh.

The commentators corrected this, but noted with well concealed amusement that they would now just be calling her “Tay”, which was what her team mates had also resorted to.

Also from the weekend’s sporting engagements, poor young Danyle Pearce from the Port Adelaide football club. His debut game, he kicks a big goal, and all the commentators can discuss is the stupid spelling of his name.

So let these be lessons to you, oh future parents with dreams of your off-spring becoming sporting stars. Consider what happens when they do start to become famous and no one can spell or pronounce their name. (Hey, that may even go some way to explaining why Lleyton Hewitt can’t beat Roger Federer.)

For a moment I was worried...

For a moment this morning, scanning through the birth notices, I both feared and rejoiced. I feared we may have to shut up site because there was a proliferation of normal names appearing one after another. All the Matthews and Jacks and Elizas and Kates. Despite the fear of the end of our amusing distraction, I also rejoiced for all these lucky kids.

But, as you may have predicted, both the fear and the joy were premature, thanks to:

Trae Jaylen and his big brother Koby.

One boy who is going to curse his parents every time he fills out a form is Hunter William Alfred Salvatore Gordon Robert [surname]. Perhaps they realised that Hunter was not the best name to brand him with and so wanted to give him a large number of options to adopt in its place? (However William is out in that regard as it also appears to be the name of both Hunter’s father and older brother.)

Also, there seems to be an increasing number of Brocks appearing on the scene. Now sure, I’m willing to admit it’s probably an actual name, but it just screams soap opera character (and I’ve watched enough that I ought to know, sadly) or adopted porn name to me.

Another trend noticed: the increasingly common and what I assume is CSI-influenced spelling of Jorja.

Is Tomato Next?

Usually my policy is not to criticise the use of actual names just because I don’t like them. As remi said in her very first post, a name generally needs to fall into one of three categories to make it on to this site: normal names spelled ridiculously, names of any kind in unfortunate combinations, or words, made up or otherwise, masquerading as names.

However, there’s one more category that seems appropriate after glancing at today’s notices. Themes.

Take for example the family that just welcomed twin girls. Scarlett. Okay in and of itself. Poppy. Also fine providing you don’t pair it with something silly (like, as a totally random example *cough*Jamie Oliver*cough*: “Honey”). Poppy and Scarlett. Okay, thematic, probably acceptable for twins. But it’s their big sister Ruby Rose that pushes the family over the line that divides quirky from obsessed.

Also, because last week’s Ayden wasn’t enough, today we have Aidyn. Way to make a perfectly nice boy’s name look as feminine as possible.

You say Cadence, I say what the hell?

Where has this name sprung from? In the past day alone, we've seen (or more accurately, cringed at) these *unique* spellings of:

Kaydince, Kaydance, Caydence

And the male version:

Caydan, Kaydyn, Caden, Kaddyn

What the hell?

Wouldn't "Deer" Have Been Easier?

I ventured from the Australian birth notices into the wilds of birth notices from New England and found the following recent “joys”.

Caraboo Grace. Named after a 19th Century British hoax or a big loping deer with “creative” spelling applied because the name wasn’t creative enough on its own? Either way it’s wrong and I hope she chooses to go by Cara rather than Boo.

Kaydince. We want to emphasise the flow and rhythm of the name, but we really need to get both a “k” and a “y” in there and to remove any potential reference to her being dense.

Which brings us to the twins. The naming of these twins leads me to believe that one of two things happened. Either the mother didn’t know she was having twins, and when the second baby, a little girl, was born Mum was overwhelmed, or Mum thought she was having more than two babies and when it turned out to be only twins she didn’t know what to do with the other names. How else do you explain fortunate young Owen Stephen and his unfortunately over-burdened sister Marykatelyn May? And if you’re going to squeeze three normal names into one, why the middle name? Surely Marykatelynmay would have worked just as well.

How do you spell that?

From birth notices both Australian and US

Children destined to repeat ad nauseum: 'No, it's actually spelt...' Sharlotte, Linzee, Baylen, Kennedi Makayla, Myranda, Khloey Aleece, Saydee Alysabeth, Kaydance

Add random syllables together and call it a name, why don't you? Jelsey Jacole, Merribeth Renea, Zaylin DeWayne

Don't forget the random punctuation and intraword capitalisation: Caydence BreAnn, Jae'Leigh RaShun, De'Monta Tyvon,

Beau Marka I guess Texta was already taken. BTW I'll take anyone's guess as to whether this is a girl or a boy (no, I don't know either).

Willow Pandora Loveday a sister for Mungo and Fergus

Maibe Xrystina Aleaha Maybe this is cruel

From an article entitled 'Canadian quints call Kingwood home' we sourced this happy family: Zuri, Kiza, Anya, Rhys and Kipp. Five kids in the family probably means stringent rationing of toys, food and letters in names.

Alicia has a lot to answer for

Adding “cia” to the end of a girl’s name does not automatically make it more pretty or sophisticated. Just ask Kalecia.

Godzilla ahoy

Talon Raef
I did a bit of research on this one, because I couldn't believe that anyone would actually want to name their child after the sharp hooked claw of a bird of prey, but hell, I was wrong. Apparently, it's a boy's name shared by 2,900 people in the US. #650 for 2002 on the Soc. Sec. top 1000 baby names. Has been in the top 1000 since 1992 (according to that fount of wisdom Alternative Baby Names). Scary. What's next, Godzilla?

Jaxson How many ways *are* there to spell this name?

Saige Because if you add another letter, it won't be a herb any more?

Pick of the bunch

Our most deserving name of the day will henceforth be designated with this little star, until we come up with something better.




Our sincere congratulations to Jaymz, our inaugural winner.

It was a typo, right? Riiighht?

On this kind of grey winter morning we welcome into the world the following poor, unfortunate souls:

Brock Oskar. Charlie Delta India Echo?

Tylah. What, you weren’t aware it was the female spelling of Tyler?

Zacc. I’m really, really hoping that this was just a typo.

Egan Taj. Egad!

Twins Kaiden and Kye. At least young Kye won’t be alone, there seems to be a proliferation of young 'Kye's running around in the world these days, though apparently not so many 'Kai's. And a belated welcome to their big sister Taneisha.

And finally, today’s favourite, the truly unlucky Shondelle Alivia. Yes, parents, go right ahead and make up a first name and then burden the child with a misspelled middle name just to make sure she doesn’t find a means of escape.

Irritable vowel

Imijin
Hey parents - what did the other vowels ever do to you?

Melainy
Poor spellers or PSW?

Melyse Shanae

Indya
No matter how you spell it, it's still a country

Palenzuela

Baillee
More is not always better

Beaudi LeBreton
Um...

Sonny Jay

Khaelen brother for Krystle, Kendall and Aaron Junior

Caylee Jai sister for Caitlin and Caleb
Are we sensing a theme yet?

Ruairidh (Rua-Ree) Hoot
Look - they even put pronunciation instructions in the birth notice. At least they anticipate some trouble...Though it's the second name that bothers me

And uli said...maybe they think having him is a hoot? or they spent a lot of time at hooters? or he looks like an owl

Jaxyn
PSW

Jaymz
Oh dear god

Temika Angel

Kennedy Jamieson
BTW, that was a *girl* - could you tell?

Lily-J
Shouldn't there be another letter there?

Why?

Today we have an invasion of creative spelling.

Klarissa. Way to make her name appear classy there parents.

Ayden. What the hell was wrong with the "i"? Why do so many people have a problem with the humble "i"?

Charli. A girl. I can understand Charlie as a nickname. I can even understand the parents knowing that's what she'd wind up being called so just opting to name her Charlie instead of Charlotte. But Charli? Why?

Then we have young Dashiell. Not unheard of as a name, especially not since Cate Blanchett recently returned it to some type of prominence. But this new young Dash is nevertheless going to have a hard time explaining why Mum and Dad felt the need to pair an unusual name such as Dashiell with the middle name Texas. I suppose it could have been worse. Instead of Dashiell Texas he could have been Texas Dashiell.

Finally we have one of those names that give the distinct impression that the parents just couldn't decide between a number of different names, so they just slapped them all together. Zataliah. Bonus points for getting the "z" in there parents.

Dire predictions

From the birth announcements in the local paper...

Nastaskia you just know she's going to be 'Nasty'

Tarkyn as in the otter?

Niquita Rechelle struck by the pretentious spelling wand (henceforth to be known as the PSW)

Tinka-Belle ...words fail me...

Diesel

Are you a Tree or an Alcoholic Beverage?

As remi noted, inspired by the bad baby names site, she has been collecting lists of the horrible names parents give their children for some time now, and sharing them with me for appropriate amounts of ridicule.

After all, don’t the parents deserve a little of the ridicule they are inevitably inflicting on their children? All in the cause of our amusement, of course.

However, despite our ongoing conversations about such things over a couple of years, all of it seemed a little abstract to me. Names took on the “that has to be made up” character of so much web content. Particularly as our friends have, on the whole, been naming their children actual names and spelling them traditionally.

But then remi started spending more time around schools with actual, verifiable, met face-to-face children featuring monikers like Versace. And suddenly all the outrageous, must-be-made-up, horrors seemed not only possible but probable.

And a quick trip to the birth announcements in the local paper only reinforces the point.

So, with that background, we have today’s winners in the “what the hell were they thinking?!?” stakes:

Arden
A girl. Perhaps named with the hope that an inevitable association with Elizabeth Arden would lead to beauty, or perceptions thereof? Or was it a typo and they were aiming for a more elfin name?

Ceider
Also a girl. Cider? Sayder? Cedar? Kayder? So many possibilities. So many years to explain, over and over again, how to pronounce it, how to spell it and why her parents felt it necessary to burden her with it.

And our first lot of girls' names

Karma: how to guarantee she won't have any

Ferguson: yes, this *is* her first name

Rawinia

Argelique

Shontelle

Ketryna

Kartya

Nishita

Nashata

Ella-Mac (Fearson): no, it's not funny

To get the ball rolling...unenviable boys' names

Obie: I once knew a cat callled Obie. On a cat, it was cute. On an adolescent, not so much.


Romy: His parents really wanted a girl?


Versace


Tudor


Mace: Anyway you look at it, this kid is in for trouble.

Inspired by the example of Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing: A Primer on Parent Cruelty I have been collecting examples of names to give your children if you want them to be mercilessly teased at school.

So here are some of the gems, gleaned mainly from secondary schools in Victoria. They usually fall into these broad categories:

• the apparently random spellings, including the attack of the Y/K/Q virus
• the pretentious (often linked to the random spellings)
• the unfortunate juxtapositions (honestly people, think how that name will sound followed by your surname)
• the others - weird/unfortunate/just don't know what they were thinking.